Small Victories

I know this post is coming to you a week late, but I hope you find motivation in it.  I can't remember exactly when it happened, but at some point in my late teens I stopped going to amusement parks.  Anytime friends or co-workers would ask me to go on rides, I'd say, sorry I get motion sickness.  Well, this isn't a total lie.  I did go deep sea fishing 2 summers ago and spent the entire time with my head over the side of the boat.  But...I love rides!  I was just afraid I wouldn't fit in the seats or the restraints wouldn't hold me and i would have to get off the ride embarrassed.  I was even embarrassed to try the practice seat at the entrance of the ride.  Hey everyone, look over here.  I'm too fat for this ride!  My self esteem couldn't handle the "what ifs". 

Well...last weekend my friend convinced me to go to six flags with some students.  (He knows my secret).  I was nervous, but ready to concur my fear (remember not of rides, of being too fat).    I made him promise to not judge me if I backed out.  The few days leading up to the trip I was excited.  I felt confident I lost enough weight to be able to ride.  On the bus ride down, I started to get nervous.  I began to think that maybe I wasn't small enough yet. I did gain 70 lbs in college.  So, we got to the park and I decided that whatever happened today, I was strong enough emotionally to handle it.  I worked hard to get where I am today and I wasn't going to let one roller coaster ride take that away from me.

We started small.  We went on the classic wooden coaster.  Seat belt fit and bar restraint was secure.  YES!  Next we went on the ride that shoots you up in the air and holds you there and drops you down.  I had room to spare in that seat.  YES!  Now it was time to try a big coaster.  I was feeling great.  We went to Superman and I tried the practice seat.  Seat belt didn't fit, but restrain did.  I decided to try it anyways.  We got in line and the entire time I was eying every seat belt to see if they had any give.  It looked like they did, so I was happy.  Our turn came and we sat in our seat.  Seat belt didn't fit.  Oh no.  I told myself in that second not to panic.  I just looked at my friend and said, "belt doesn't fit.  have fun!".  I just got off and waited by the side for him.  I was looking around to see if anyone was laughing at me or talking about me.  No one cared.  My anxiety was lessening.  When my friend got off the ride, he was asking me are you ok?  are you sure you're ok?   I thought about it and I was fine.  I laughed a little at myself.  I was fine!  Let's go to the next one.  I went on 4 other rides that day.  I felt like me. 

I felt normal.  I felt confident.  It was a great day.  I had reached one of my goals.  I'm ready for the next one.  I'm ready to live the life I want!

Travel

I couldn't wait to write this post!  Since having gastric bypass on February 14th, I've traveled twice.  I went to Phoenix in week 3 and Ohio this week.  What is the hardest part about traveling??  EATING!  Being on such a strict diet proved to be more difficult than I thought.  I brought my blender and protein with me, but I wasn't good about taking it.  This was the first time I experienced the dumping and slimming symptoms of my surgery.  The lesson I took away....always drink my protein, stay hydrated and only eat what I am supposed too (not chips and a burrito...oppps). 

When I traveled to Ohio two weeks later, I was back into my workout routine, drinking my water and protein and armed with the lessons I learned from Phoenix.  I will be honest, I didn't have my protein shake on Thursday.  I went to Ohio Wednesday and Thursday for a job interview.  I knew that I was going to have to eat out and choose my food wisely.  I always ate my protein first (eggs, chicken etc.) and I was ok with leaving food on my plate without the need to explain.   I took all my medications and all my water.   Don't be shocked when I say this, but I felt great.  My gosh, taking care of yourself really does make you feel good!

But...let me tell you the greatest thing about traveling.  Since I began my weight loss journey in August, I've lost a total of 66 pounds.  I used to be terrified of flying, because as any fat kid knows, the seats are not wide enough (nor are the aisles...I apologize to anyone who was brushed with my hips over the years) and I always needed a seat belt extender.  Nothing is more embarrassing than asking for that!  On top of that, the look of disgust in the persons eyes when you say, "oh hey, I'm your neighbor for this flight" (you don't mind if I practically sit on you do you??).  But this Ohio trip was different.  For the first time I could walk through the aisle with ease.  The seat was not digging into my hips and I didn't need a seat belt extender (and I wasn't half in my neighbors lap). As I was putting my head back and closing my eyes waiting for take off, I was overwhelmed with complete joy.  These are the reasons I want to get thin and healthy.  I don't need to be a super model or having guys tripping over me...I just want to experience everyday things without anxiety and fear of ridicule.

I am excited for the next experience of joy!  Stay Tuned!